


I'm Ready When You Are

by Nevilleluvr



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Adam Parrish is in denial, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, M/M, No Smut, Pining, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, Sleeping Together, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-11-22 18:29:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11385912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevilleluvr/pseuds/Nevilleluvr
Summary: Friends with Benefits AU where Adam doesn't have time for relationships and where Ronan is in love with Adam but knows that Adam will never love him back.





	1. It Works For Us

“Just stay in bed with me,” Ronan murmurs long after Adam’s alarm went off. Morning’s like these are the hardest, because of the inevitability of getting up for work and class even though he’d give anything to stay in Ronan’s warm bed with Ronan curled around him. 

 

“You know I can’t,” Adam says simply. “You have class, too.” 

 

“Oh, do I?” Ronan snarks back. “It’s a shame that I won’t be going.” 

 

Adam huffs. “You’ve skipped too much, Lynch. Do you know how many texts a day I get from Declan?” Adam matches Ronan’s glare with his own. 

 

“Fuck Declan.” Ronan scowls. Adam frowns slightly at his sharp features, missing his sleep happy, expression from moments ago. He leans on his forearm and rubs his thumb over his eyebrow, feeling Ronan loosen up as he melts further into the sheets. 

 

Grabbing his wrist, Ronan gently presses his lips to the palm of his hand. Adam ignores the pang of  _ something _ in his belly. “Come on, I need to get up now, or I’ll be late.” 

 

Ronan relents, releasing Adam’s hand and pulling the duvet up to his nose. Adam rolls his eyes, suppressing his smile, and gently rubs Ronan’s soft buzzed head. “Get up. Be a gentleman and walk me to work.” 

 

Opening one eye, he raises an eyebrow. “When have I  _ ever _ been a gentleman?” 

 

Adam groans and purses his lips into a pout, giving Ronan puppy-dog eyes. With a shake of his head, he turns away from Adam and covering himself completely with the blankets. 

 

“You asked for it…” Adam murmurs. He scooches closer to Ronan, crawling under the covers and reaches to grab Ronan’s ass, squeezing as hard as he can until Ronan yelps. Adam laughs as Ronan scrambles up, grabbing Adam’s wrists and pinning him down. 

 

“You asshole, that hurt,” Ronan snaps in a whiney voice. “My ass is going to be all red.”

 

Adam raises his eyebrows. “That’s not the only marks you have,” He says smugly, eyeing the dark bruises on his neck with a smirk. 

 

Ronan sputters out a ‘fuck you’, and releases Adam, hiding his reddening face. Adam laughs again, and rolls over to grab his phone. Checking the time, Adam only has a little over thirty minutes until the start of his shift at the coffee shop near their university. “Shit,” Adam grumbles, quickly getting out the bed to search for his boxers. 

 

“Help me find my clothes. Don’t just lay there looking pretty,” Adam says, eyeing Ronan irritably.

 

“Aw, you think I look pretty? And here I was, thinking you stuck around because of my winning personality.” Ronan says mockingly, but moves out of the covers to search his messy room for their clothes. 

 

Adam scoffs, finding his shirt on Ronan’s desk chair and quickly pulling it over his head. “You’re personality has been shit ever since we were fifteen.” 

 

Ronan tuts in offense. “Excuse me, but I was a ray of fucking sunshine when we were younger.” Bending down and finding a pair of black boxers under the bed. “Here.” 

 

Adam cringes and eyes the underwear. “I’m not wearing your boxers, Ronan. Especially when they’re dirty.” 

 

“Seriously? You’ve had my dick in your mouth and you’re afraid of wearing my boxers?” Ronan scoffs at the irony. “Gansey hasn’t done our laundry yet, so blame him.” 

 

Adam groans, holding out his hand. “Really? Maybe mommy Gansey needs to teach his twenty year old son how to do fucking laundry.” Adam curses as he pulls on the boxers and locates his jeans. “You’re ridiculous, Lynch.” 

 

Ronan shrugs carelessly, and goes to locate clothes for himself as Adam steps outside, grabbing his phone and leaving the room. “Wait for me! You need your goodbye kiss.” Ronan yells from his room. 

 

Ignoring him, he walks to the kitchen, where Gansey is already awake and sipping his tea while reading the newspaper. He pushes his glasses up his nose as he looks at Adam, eyebrow raised. “Morning,” He says, dragging the word. “I didn’t know you were here.” 

 

“I’m always here,” Adam mumbles, grabbing an apple and taking a huge bite. “I’m leaving now anyways.” 

 

Gansey makes a humming sound and continues to look at Adam as he chews on his breakfast. “Make sure Ronan makes it to class, would you?” Adam asks. 

 

Gansey nods and purses his lips. “Declan bothering you, too?”

 

“Oh, yeah,” Adam sighs. Turning towards the hallway when he here Ronan’s door close again. 

 

“Morning, Dick,” Ronan greets as he sidles next to Adam, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

 

Gansey rolls his eyes but grumbles a response. Finishing his apple, Adam tosses the core in the garbage and looks to Ronan who stole Gansey’s mug to take a sip. “Ready?” Adam asks.

 

Ronan nods, ducking to kiss the corner of Adam’s mouth, making him scrunch up his face, smiling. 

 

“I don’t get you two,” Gansey sighs tiredly. 

 

Adam huffs and gives Gansey the  _ look _ . “Don’t start this again, Gansey.” 

 

Gansey raises his arms in surrender. “I know, I know. You’ve told me time and time again. This whole... _ situation _ works for you. But, I can’t help but think that this will hurt both of you in the end.” 

 

Adam rolls his eyes. Them sleeping together isn’t a secret to anyone. Both Adam and Ronan don’t care what anyone says or thinks, because this is what works for them. Every time Gansey catches Adam coming out of Ronan’s room, or when Adam’s roommate, Noah, finds Ronan and Adam making out in their dorm room, there’s a million more disappointed looks and more questions. 

 

“You’re perfect for each other, why can’t you just-” 

 

Ronan interrupts Gansey before he can say another word. “Shut up, Gansey. Stop fucking talking. And just leave it.” Ronan snaps, surprising both Gansey and Adam at his harshness and closed off expression. 

 

He disentangles himself from Adam and slips on his shoes, slamming the door and leaving them both stunned. 

 

Wide eyed, he looks to Gansey who mirrors his expression. “What’s up with him?” 

 

Adam shrugs, sighing. “I don’t know, guess I’ll find out. I’ll see you in class.” Gansey waves and goes back to his newspaper.

 

Adam jogs to catch up to a fuming Ronan, who was already on his way to the coffee shop. He tentatively grabs Ronan’s wrist lightly, rubbing his thumb soothingly underneath his leather bands where he hides his scars. 

 

Ronan doesn’t acknowledge him, just continues looking straight as he walks briskly. Adam knows he’ll calm down soon, so he waits until he’s ready to talk. They walk in silence most of the way, Adam mentally cursing himself as he forgot to brush his teeth.

 

It wasn’t until they reached Adam’s work that Ronan spoke. “I’m just so sick of everyone thinking they know what’s best for us. It’s fucking annoying.” Adam nods, understanding. “We’re doing nothing wrong, right? This works for us, right?” 

 

Adam nods and rubs his shoulder. “Yeah, I think so.” 

 

Ronan nods and looks inside the coffee shop window. “Okay, go to work, nerd.” 

 

Adam smiles and goes to open the heavy glass door. “I’ll see you later. Go to class.”

 

Ronan rolls his hand and waves him off, smirking devilishly. “I’ll think about it.” And then turns around to walk back to his apartment.

 

Sighing, he walks into the shop, nodding at Noah who winked to him as he walked behind the counter to retrieve his smock and to clock in.

 

It was convenient when Noah and him met freshman year last year. They got along right away, Noah being the nicest person Adam’s ever met. It also helped when he asked Adam if he needed a job last year, recommending him to his boss and soon enough, he got hired. Adam really enjoys working at the coffee shop, Cabeswater, and the perks of free coffee isn’t too bad, either.

 

When Noah gave the last customer in line his coffee, Noah turned to Adam with a knowing smirk. “Slept with Ronan, again?” 

 

Adam rolls his eyes and nods silently. He begins to put up the muffins onto the display, hoping Noah would drop it.

 

Of course he doesn’t.

 

“How’s that going for you?” Noah asks.

 

Adam turns around to quirk his eyebrow up. “What do you mean?”

 

Noah lounges lazily on the counter. “Are  _ romantic _ feelings involved, yet? Has anyone said the ‘L’ word?” 

 

Adam groans. “I’m so sick of you and Gansey talking about this. It’s not like that with us. It’s completely chill and stress free. We both agree that’s what’s best. He can call it quits anytime, so can I.

 

“You love him, Adam.” Noah says in a soft voice that’s laced with sadness.

 

He feels anger in the pit of his stomach and has to take a deep breath so he doesn’t lash out. “Yeah, he’s my best friend. Of course I do, just not like  _ that. _ ” He says, hoping Noah will drop this conversation.

 

“He loves you like  _ that. _ ” Noah says, frowning. 

 

Adam chuckles.  _ That’s ridiculous. _ “No, he doesn’t. Ronan completely agrees with me, with what we’re doing, and we wouldn’t have started anything if we weren’t completely sure. We’re taking this completely chill.”

 

“Completely chill,” Noah mutters.  

 

“I don’t have time for relationships, Noah. This works out wonderfully, okay?” 

 

“You love each other!” Noah exclaims, earning curious glances from customers. Adam hisses. “No, I don’t. I know what I feel Noah, what the fuck? Me in a relationship with Ronan?” Adam laughs at the absurdity. 

 

Noah rubs his temples and sighs. “Adam, I thought you were smart.” Adam opens his mouth to question Noah, but a couple steps up to the counter, asking for two iced coffees. Grumbling to himself, he prepares the drinks as Noah ignores him.

 

Adam’s sure that they’re doing the right thing, no matter what people say. Adam knows Ronan and Ronan knows Adam and it just works. Being best friends for so long, of course they love each other. But they aren’t  _ in  _ love with each other. 

 

Definitely not, Adam thinks as he continues to work.

 


	2. I'll Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> History, Holidays, Heartbreak

Ronan knew he was setting himself up for heartbreak, but the longer he and Adam slept together, the longer Ronan kept ignoring it. He kept on hoping. Every time Adam looked at him like  _ that _ , every time he touched him like  _ that,  _ Ronan thinks that that’ll be it. That Adam would say he loved him, that he always loved him, and they’ll live happily ever after.

 

But Ronan’s life has never been like a fairy tale, and that kind of fucking sucks. 

 

Ronan, unsurprisingly, doesn’t go to his nine am class. He braces himself in the elevator for Gansey’s mini lecture as he heads up to their apartment. It’s always the same thing.  _ You need to think of your future. Getting an education is crucial, Ronan. _ Blah, blah, blah.

 

Ronan groans as the elevator doors open, and heads down the hall. 

 

Gansey is packing his bag for class when Ronan walks in. Gansey just nods in greeting as Ronan walks to sit at one of the bar stools. “Not going to class?” Gansey asks simply, unsurprised.

 

“Nope.” Ronan says, waiting for Gansey to open his mouth to argue.

 

“Declan won’t be happy about that,” Gansey says shortly, eyeing Ronan. Ronan can’t believe that Gansey stuck around him so long. He must be tired of all of Ronan’s bullshit.

 

“Like I give a fuck if Declan’s happy or not.” 

 

To Ronan’s amazement, Gansey says nothing, just continues to put all of his textbooks in his messanger bag. Very suspicious. “What, no lecture?”

 

Sighing, Gansey stands up straight and runs a hand through his wavy brown locks. “No, Lynch. No lecture.” 

 

Ronan narrows his eyes. “Who are you, and what happened to Dick Gansey?” 

 

He shoves Ronan’s shoulder, unamused. “Shut up.” He pauses, almost hesitant. “It’s just, I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have said anything with Adam there.” 

 

Ronan feels himself tense. “Forget about it. It doesn’t matter.” 

 

“Maybe you should tell him how you feel,” Gansey suggests. 

 

Ronan chuckles. “I’ve tried already.”

 

“What?” Gansey exclaims, eyebrows raised in disbelief. “When?”

 

“When this whole thing started between us,” Ronan breathes out.

 

*

 

It was the summer after graduation and Ronan was happy. Happy to be done with school, to hang out with Adam and Gansey all summer before they left for college, to spend quality time with his younger brother, Matthew. 

 

Adam quit his other two jobs since he saved up enough for college after learning he’d get a full ride to his university. That meant that they spent most of their time together. Gansey joined them when he wasn’t hanging out with his girlfriend, Blue. 

 

They spent their nights driving along the empty highways, parking in a deserted field to watch the stars until the sun rose. Many nights were spent in either Adam’s apartment or locked in Ronan’s room at Monmouth, listening to music and talking quietly in bed. Ronan was as happy as ever, just being with Adam. Ronan has never seen Adam this happy, either. So quick to smile and laugh now that he didn’t kill himself over school work and jobs.

Also, not worrying about an abusive father helped, too. 

 

Things were good up until a Thursday night. It was storming all day, so Ronan stayed in, playing video games and taking naps and texting Blue and Matthew. Gansey took Blue camping, so he’d been alone all week, save for Adam spending some nights. 

 

It was a little surprising when he heard banging on the metal door. Who in their right minds would go out in this storm?

 

Sighing, he pauses his movie, and trudges to the door. His eyes widen when he sees Adam soaked and wide-eyed and nervous at the door.

 

_ “Adam? Are you alright?” _ Ronan asked worriedly, as Adam just stared at Ronan.  _ “What’s wrong?” _

 

Quickly, he took ahold of Adam’s wrist and pulled him inside.  _ “You idiot, your lips are blue. You’re going to catch pneumonia. What were you thinking?”  _ Ronan rambles as he pulls them into his bedroom to get him warm clothes. 

 

_ “Ronan,” _ Adam says quietly, breathlessly, making them both stop. 

 

Spinning around, Ronan’s heart races when he finds Adam closer than expected. Opening his mouth, Ronan can’t make a sound, only a choked squeak as Adam stepped impossibly closer. 

 

Not knowing if this was real or not, Ronan shut his eyes. Maybe I fell asleep while watching the movie? This isn’t happening right now. It can’t be. 

 

But he feels Adam’s warm breathe on his face and he jumps when Adam’s cold hand cups his jaw, making him shiver. He’s pretty sure this is real. 

 

When Adam’s lips touch his he stop breathing. 

 

Ronan doesn’t know what to do. Should he kiss back? Where does he put his hands? This has to be a mistake.  _ “Ronan?” _

 

_ “Mmh?”  _

 

_ “Kiss me.” _

 

So he did. 

 

He was alive, and he was kissing Adam Parrish. 

 

It was better than he dreamt it. It was Adam’s cold, chapped lips moving against Ronan’s warm ones. It was their hearts beating and racing together. 

 

Ronan’s never felt so awake.

 

Gripping Adam’s shoulders, he pulls him impossibly closer, licking into his mouth with a low moan that makes Adam shiver and push against Ronan’s chest. They stumble blindly across the room until they reach the end of the bed, Adam pulling away to break their lips apart, gasping in air. Groaning from the loss, Ronan presses hot kisses to his cheek down to his neck, licking, biting, tasting.  _ I love you, I love you,  _ he thinks as he sucks and nips at Adam’s pulse point. Reveling in every gasp and small moan that comes out of Adam.

 

_ “Ronan,”  _ Adam groans out, voice hoarse, finally pushes away. Ronan gapes as he takes in Adam’s wrecked face. Eyes wide and hungry, lips wet and swollen. Pupils dilated, his cheeks hot and flushed despite being all wet from the cold rain.  _ “Where are your condoms?” _

 

Ronan makes a squeaking sound that  _ definitely  _ sounds manly as his eyes widen so much he bets they are almost popping out of his skull. Adam winces as Ronan's nails dig into his forearms and his face softens in concern.  _ “Shit, Ronan, we don’t have to do anything. God, I’m so fucking sorry.”  _

 

_ “No!” _ Ronan says quickly.  _ “I-uh, I’m fine. I’ve wanted this for- shit. I want you, I just can’t believe this is happening right now.”  _ Ronan swallows, nervous and red with embarrassment because he’s finally said it. He confessed his feelings to Adam, the boy he loves, his best friend. 

 

He steps away, ready for rejection, ready for Adam to turn away in disgust and for him to say this was all a big mistake. 

 

But there is no harsh laugh, Adam isn’t stepping away. He’s stepping closer, lifting Ronan’s face up, making him look at Adam with worried eyes.  _ “You want me?”  _ Adam asks with a small, shocked smile.

 

Idiot, of course I want you, are you blind? Rolling his eyes, Ronan nods.

 

_ “Well, then get the condoms!”  _ Adam’s lips quirking up in a playful grin. Ronan lets out a bark of surprised laughter. He feels relaxed and he can’t believe that this feels so normal. _ “I can’t believe I’m not dreaming right now,”  _ Ronan confesses softly. 

 

_ “Hey, I’m right here. I want you, too,” _ Adam says quietly, placing a soft kiss to the corner of Ronan’s mouth. So sweet and so fond that it makes Ronan’s legs buckle. He shakes himself and steps back.  _ “The uh condoms are in the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”  _

 

Then he rushes to the bathroom and rustles in the drawers for the necessary supplies. He can’t get his hands to stop shaking. Am I actually going to have sex with  _ Adam _ ? Would it be weird to call Gansey? No. Get it together, Ronan.

 

Quickly he turns on the facet and splashes cool water on his hot, sweaty face and grips the sink, looking at his reflection. You got this, Ronan. You’ve finally got Adam, the boy you pathetically pinned for since you were fucking sixteen, you’re not going to scare him away. Just don’t freak out. Keep it together.

 

With a deep breathe, he grabs the condoms and the bottle of lube and walks back to his room with his head held high. He stops by his doorway, looking at Adam who is sitting on his bed wringing his hands and shaking his leg. Ronan smiles, reassured that he’s not the only one who’s nervous.  _ “Hey.” _

 

Looking up, Adam raises his eyebrows and smiles.  _ “Hi.” _

 

Ronan really wants to ask what this means for them. Is this Adam telling him that he feels the same? Are they going to be a couple now? He opens his mouth to ask, but Adam springs up and crosses the short distance and pulls Ronan fully into the room.  _ “No talking, okay? Let’s just,” _ He pauses to press his lips to Ronan’s, pushing him towards the bed.  _ “Talk later.”  _

 

Ronan fully agrees, walking them backwards until he feels his legs hit the end of the bed. Letting go of Adam’s waist he tosses the condom and bottle on the bed and pulls his shirt off, tossing it carelessly to the side. He slowly shuffles to the middle of his bed, lying down and waiting for Adam.

 

Ronan watches Adam as he takes in Ronan’s naked chest, feeling himself go red at the intense stare. Adam finally shakes himself out of his stupor and quickly pulls his shirt off and onto the floor. Ronan takes a moment to appreciate Adam’s tanned freckled chest, his sharp collarbones, his slim waist. He needs to touch, he needs to feel Adam against him.  _ “Shit, Adam. Come here.” _

 

Ronan spreads his legs for Adam as he climbs up the bed, reaching for Ronan. Ronan sits up slightly and pulls him closer by the waist and crashes their lips together. Ronan settles down on the bed so Adam can lay more comfortably on top, tilting Adam’s chin for the right angle. Ronan tentatively opens his mouth and feels Adam’s tongue slowly enter, exploring and tasting. 

 

Ronan gets lost in Adam’s lips, the feeling of Adam on top of him, hands roaming, exploring smooth skin. Kissing Adam is something Ronan could get used to. Getting to be with him in _this_ way is _definitely_ something he could get used to. 

 

Adam’s hands roam lower and lower until he stops at the waistband of his sweats, slowly dragging them down. Gasping, Ronan bits Adam’s tongue, making him grunt in pain, pulling back, looking at Ronan with his brow raised in hesitation. “ _ You’re okay, right?” _

 

Ronan rolls his eyes, huffing.  _ “Yes, I was shocked, I guess. Now shut up and get me naked.”  _

 

Grinning wickedly, Adam wriggles back, pulling his sweats down off fully.  _ “Did I ever tell you that you have great legs? No? Well they’re great. Sexiest legs I’ve ever seen.”  _ Adam rambles as he struggles to get his jeans off. 

 

Ronan laughs and pushes himself up to help Adam.  _ “You’re an idiot,”  _ he says fondly, grabbing Adam’s wrists, kissing each palm gently. Adam smiles softly and crawls onto his lap, placing one hand on Ronan’s scalp, rubbing gently.  _ “It’s the first thing I noticed about you, you know. You were playing tennis at Aglionby after school with Matthew with those stupid Aglionby shorts.”  _

 

_ “Huh,”  _ Ronan huffs, shocked.  _ “You never told me that before.”  _

 

Adam nods, smiling thoughtfully.  _ “It was around we became friends.”  _ Adam leans in to place kisses on Ronan’s nose.  _ “Your legs are very impressive.” _

 

Ronan hums, feeling light and so, so happy. He cups Adam’s jaw, moving so their lips reconnect. Unable to contain his smile, Ronan places his hand on the small of Adam’s back and flips them over, Adam yelping in shock as he lands on his back. 

 

Grinning shark-like, Ronan pokes Adam in the sides. Adam gives him a knowing look.  _ “Lynch, don’t.”  _

 

_ “Don’t what?”  _ Ronan says innocently, grabbing both Adam’s wrists and holding them tight above his head. Ronan grins in amusement as he pokes at Adam’s ribs where his most ticklish. Adam clenches his jaw and makes painful sounds, trying not to let a laugh escape. 

 

_ “I fuckin’ hate you, Lynch,” _ Adam groans out. 

 

Ronan laughs, letting go of Adam’s wrists in favor of raking his hands in Adam’s tangly hair. Leaning closer, Ronan rubs his nose against Adam’s, making Adam scrunch his face cutely. Ronan sighs happily,  _ “For some reason I don’t believe you.”  _

 

Adam lets out a huff of laughter, smile growing wide as he winds his arms around Ronan’s shoulders, bringing them closer and closer until they’re kissing again. 

 

Ronan settles himself on Adam, tugging on his hair until his opens his mouth so he can deepen the kiss.  _ “I love your smile,”  _ Ronan mumbles.

 

Adam hums and bites at Ronan’s bottom lip.  _ “I love your dick.” _

 

Ronan pulls back, amused.  _ “You haven’t seen my dick yet.”  _

 

_ “Well, I definitely feel it,” _ Adam chuckles softly, smirking down at the obvious tent in Ronan’s boxers. Ronan rolls his eyes and ignores the nervous pangs in his stomach, and before he can overthink anything, he sits back and rids himself of his boxers. 

 

He swallows the urge to hide himself from Adam, and grips the bottom of Adam’s boxers in a silent question. Adam answers by pushing his hips up for Ronan to pull them down. They’re naked, nervous, and taking one another in. 

 

Adam exhales and slowly sits up and squeezes Ronan’s thigh.  _ “This is still okay, right?” _

 

Ronan groans and maneuvers them so Ronan is laying on his back.  _ “If you ask me if I’m okay again, I’m going to punch you.” _

 

Adam huffs and raises his arms in surrender, crawling back to Ronan and tentatively explores his naked chest, touching so lightly Ronan barely feels it. He traces the black hooks of Ronan’s tattoo that curled over his shoulders, smiling as Ronan begins to pant at Adam’s ministrations.

 

Ronan can’t help but clench his jaw to help contain any embarrassing noises that are trying to coming out as his body heats up more and more. Unclenching his fists that were laying on his side, he puts his palms against Adam’s stomach, feeling the muscles clench as he traces his fingers across the constellation of freckles along Adam’s body. He traces with his pointer finger along a long thin scar running down his left rib.

 

He feels Adam’s quiet sigh and tears his eyes from Adam’s tan chest to his eyes. As reverently as he can he says quietly, “ _ You are so beautiful.” _

 

He wants to take it back immediately, thinking he fucked up completely. His heart rate picks up as he feels Adam tense up and shy away, looking away with an unreadable expression on his reddened face. Rolling his eyes and looking to the ceiling, and saying anything to lessen the tension, he mutters,  _ “Just take the fucking compliment. Geez, Parrish.”  _

 

He hears Adam’s quiet huff of amusement and calms immediately. He quirks his lips and rests his hands on Adam’s thighs, roaming teasingly up until his grips at Adam’s hims and tugs him forward in a silent command. 

 

Adam’s gaze turns heated and he leans forward, cupping Ronan’s face and crashes their mouths together. These kisses are different. No longer soft and gentle but hot and urgent. It’s Ronan tugging at Adam’s hair, it’s Adam biting and marking Ronan’s throat. 

 

Adam lines their hips together, grinding and creating sweet friction, causing his insides to light up. Ronan lets out a high-pitched whine and lifts his hips up in search of that feeling again. Adam grounds down, groaning low in Ronan’s ear as they rock together.  _ “Adam,” _ Ronan pleads. If this continues, he’s going to come embarrassingly fast. 

 

_ “I’m gonna fuck you now, okay?”  _

 

_ “Shit,”  _ Ronan whispers eloquently, feeling his stomach swoop.

 

Adam leans back and pushes his sweaty bangs off his face.  _ “ _ Ronan _ , okay?”  _

 

_ “Fuck, Adam, yes.” _

 

Adam nods quickly and leans over and grabs the condom and lube. He quickly pecks Ronan on the lips, down to his chin, then down to his chest. Down, down, down.

 

Ronan closes his eyes and gets lost in everything Adam.

 

*

 

Ronan forgot to close his blinds. Well, he was pretty busy last night, so no one can blame him. He’s awoken to the sunlight being too bright, shining in his eyes. He rubs his face into his pillow and breathes deeply. He smiles as he realizes the presence of another body next to him. Adam. 

 

He suppresses any embarrassing giggling sounds, afraid of waking Adam up if he’s still asleep. He feels so happy and light, feeling on top of the world. He blinks his weary eyes and stretches his legs, feeling a sharp pain in his ass, and smiles even more. Ronan turns over and is not surprised to see Adam sitting up, awake. Adam could never sleep late, even after a night of sex, apparently.  

 

Ronan closes his eyes again and sighs happily.  _ “Morning.” _

 

_ “Hi,” _ Comes the croaky, quiet response. 

 

Furrowing his brows, Ronan lifts his head, worried at Adam’s hesitant hello. Ronan’s stomach drops as he sees Adam’s nervous expression. He’s pale and has a worried, sad frown on his face and Ronan can feel dread building up in the bottom of his stomach. 

 

Adam regrets everything. This whole thing, a mistake. Ronan knew it was too good to be true. 

 

Ronan clenches his eyes shut and balls his hands into fists.  _ “What’s wrong?” _

 

_ “I-”  _ Adam chokes out. Not continuing, Ronan snaps his eyes open and flashes his teeth.  _ What the fuck is it, Adam?”  _ Adam flinches visibly, and he tenses as Adam opens his mouth, getting ready to lash out.

 

_ “I’m sorry,” _ Adam says softly, finally sparring Ronan a glance. Ronan feels his heart clench when he sees Adam’s eyes glistening. 

 

This hurts worse than he could imagine. So, so much worse. He actually thought he could have this. To call Adam his.

 

_ “We shouldn’t have done this. We’re best fucking friends, what were we thinking? What was  _ I  _ thinking, I’m so sorry,”  _ Adam chokes out.  _ “Please don’t hate me. Please don’t let this ruin our friendship,”  _ Adam lets out a desperate breathe and hides his face in his shaking hands. 

 

Ronan wipes away the angry tears running down his face and heaves a heavy sigh, feeling some of the anger seep out of him. He could never hate Adam, no matter what happens or doesn’t happen. 

 

He puts a gentle hand to Adam’s wrist.  _ “I could never hate you. Nothing will ruin our friendship, okay? You’re my bestfriend and I love you.”  _ Ronan swallows down the pain because he  _ knows _ that Adam thinks those three words are totally platonic.

 

Adam swallows loudly.  _ “I love you, too.”  _ He finally lets his hands drop to his side and moves to lay down.

 

Ronan turns to lay on his back, staring blankly at the ceiling. At least he has memories of last night, at least he could remember the happiness he felt, even as the hope he had slowly seeps out of him. 

After they lay in silence for a few minutes, Adam mutters quietly.  _ “I think I should go, I’ll talk to you soon.” _ Then he gets up slowly, locating his boxers. Ronan wracks his brain to think of anything to fix this awkward silence between them. 

 

Ronan sits up, eyes wide in thought. Last night was great, amazing, magical. Although it didn’t end as Ronan hoped it would, it still might, eventually. He stared as Adam located the rest of his clothes and cleared his throat.  _ “Maybe this doesn’t have to end.”  _

 

Adam spins around, looking at Ronan like he’s crazy. Maybe he is. 

 

Before Adam can speak, Ronan continues,  _ “I mean, the sex was good, right? So, why not? Like a friends-with-benefits kind of thing.”  _

 

Adam looks skeptic and Ronan’s heart his pounding, waiting for his response.  _ “I don’t think that’s a good idea. This whole thing could blow up in our faces, ruining everything. It’s not worth our friendship.” _

 

Ronan shrugs carelessly, waving him off.  _ “It’ll be completely chill. No feelings involved.”  _ Ha! What are you saying, Ronan.  _ “We could call if off any time. Just think about it.”  _

 

Adam sits at the edge of the bed, wringing his hands together.  _ “No feelings?” _

 

_ “None,”  _ Ronan agrees, nodding his head. 

 

Adam nods back.  _ “Okay.” _

 

Ronan raises his eyebrows in surprise, feeling his lips quirk up.  _ “Okay?” _

 

_ “Okay.” _

 

Ronan lays back down as Adam says goodbye, feeling a newfound hope bloom in his chest.

 

-

 

It was mid-October and Adam was sipping from his coffee cup, reading from his Organic Chemistry textbook. Midterms were just around the corner and Adam didn’t waste any of his free time not studying. He looks up when he hears a disgruntled groan coming from a stressed out Gansey.

 

“What’s up, man?” Adam asks, raising a brow as Gansey’s glasses slide down his nose. He smirks at the many empty coffee cups littered around him on the floor. 

 

“Did you finish the essay for history. I need to finish it now, it’s due at midnight. Why am I like this?” He pulls at his hair and glares at his laptop as if it personally offended him. Adam let’s out a soft laugh, taking pity on his friend. He gets up and takes out his history binder and finds his essay, handing it to Gansey.

 

“Thanks, I’m freaking out here.” He gratefully takes the paper, sifting through it quickly.

 

Adam hums and then they’re back to work, Adam sifting through pages, and Gansey typing away at his computer. 

 

Two hours past and Adam’s back was starting to get sore from all the slouching he’s been doing these past couple of days studying endlessly. He sighs and cracks his next. “Want me to make coffee?” Gansey hums, not looking up from his work. Taking that as a yes, Adam gets up and heads to the small kitchen to make coffee from the Keurig machine. Once it’s done brewing, Adam pours one cup for himself and one for Gansey, stirring in creamer and sugar in Gansey’s cup. 

 

He settles on the couch once again, scrolling through his instagram for a few minutes before getting back to his books. He mentally figures out a schedule of what to do and how long it should take him to finish. Finish the two chapters for Organic Chem, study vocabulary and go over certain dates for History that would be on the midterm, finish up his labs for his physics class and study all the formulas they’ve learned so far this semester, and finish his Statistic notes. 

 

Gansey makes a startling inhuman noise, startling Adam. “My brain is dead. Officially. Wanna skype Blue?” Gansey lays on his back, staring upside down at Adam. Adam gives a short nod. “I’ll say hi in a minute after I finish this chapter.” 

 

He hears Gansey get up and shuffle to his room. Soon enough, he hears voices speaking loudly through the closed door. He feels himself skimming more than reading, wanted to be done so he can talk to one of his best friends. He hasn’t Blue since he moved here, and couldn’t wait to see her again. They’ve known each other since they were little kids, meeting in middle school. She and all of her cousins and aunts are the closest thing to a real family Adam has. Blue’s mom, Maura insisted he stay and live when Adam pressed charges on his father and didn’t have a place to stay. Although he was grateful when Gansey said he could stay here, he felt more comfortable at the Sargent residence. 

 

He plans to stay over for Thanksgiving. Looking forward to it, actually. It’s always interesting during the holidays. 

 

Soon enough, the chapter ends and he shoves his book onto the couch and walks over to Gansey’s room, knocking and going in to see Gansey’s beaming head peeking up from his laptop. “There he is!” 

 

Adam’s lips quirk and takes his place next to Gansey and looks at a happy, smiling Blue. “Hi, Blue, how’s everything?”

 

“Good, everything’s fine. How’s my favorite nerd? Gansey’s been telling me you’ve been studying up a storm.”

 

Adam nods and rolls his eyes fondly. “Yeah, yeah. Midterms are important, Blue.” 

 

Blue cocks her head and scoffs. “I  _ know _ that. I study, too!” Gansey chuckles lightheartedly, putting Adam closer. “We miss you so much, Jane. I can’t wait until Thanksgiving to see you.” Adam curls his lips at the disgustingly fond looks the two give each other. Blue notices Adam’s discomfort and smirks. “What, sulking because you’re the third wheel?” 

 

Adam nods, “Yes, I am, thank you very much.” 

 

Blue waves him off. “You and Ronan are worse than me and Gansey. Right, Gansey?” Blue raises one brow at Gansey. Gansey looks concerned at Adam, who rolls his eyes. “It’s not the same, since we’re not a  _ couple. _ ” 

 

Blue groans. “God, I know. You two need to fess up.” 

 

Before Adam could mutter a word, there’s a door opening and slamming shut, startling even Blue. “Speak of the devil,” Gansey murmurs, eyeing the black-clothed figure stomping by, followed by another slammed door. 

 

“What’s made the snake angry this time?” Blue asks.

 

Adam shrugs and pushes off the bed. “I guess I’ll go find out.” Gansey nods and he hears Blue call out to him, “Yell if you need help taming the beast.” 

 

“Funny,” Adam mutters as he closes Ganseys door to walk down the hall to Ronan’s. He knocks, even though it won’t do any good. “Fuck off!” Is Ronan’s wonderful response. Adam, of course, knew Ronan would say something of the sort and enters anyways. 

 

“I told you to fuck off,” Ronan growls lowly, back turned to Adam, shoulders hunched, typing away furiously. 

 

“Wow, who’s the lucky person you’re texting?” Adam teases, crossing his arms. Ronan turns and tosses his phone on his bed. “Declan.” 

 

Adam hums and pushes at Ronan’s shoulders so he can move back to his bed. Adam flops and bounces a little and wriggles his way to get comfortable. “What happened?” 

Ronan tsks and lays down next to Adam. “Same old damn thing, I was in class and my fucking phone blows up. Turns out Declan called me fifteen times since this morning.Teacher kicks me out and I give Declan the honor of calling him back and he starts screaming in my goddamn ear.” Adam rolls his eyes. “When you actually go to class for once and he gets you kicked out of class.” Adam laughs humorlessly, ignoring Ronan’s petulant glare. 

 

“Kind of your fault that you didn’t have your phone on silent though,” Adam mutters. 

 

Ronan smacks Adam in the forehead. “Fuck you.”

 

Adam smirks and rubs away the stinging pain. “What did he want?” 

 

Ronan shakes his head and picks at his leather bands. “Same old thing. Your grades are preposterous! If you keep this up you’ll never get the Barns. Blah fucking blah,” Ronan curls his lips. “It’s like he keeps on thinking he can fucking rule my life forever. First he wants me to graduate Aglionby. I do that he’s not fucking happy. He sends me to college. I’m doing that, he’s not fucking happy.” 

 

Adam frowns in sympathy and shifts to his side to lay his hand on Ronan’s forearm. “I know.” 

 

Ronan sighs and rubs his face with his hand. “Whatever. It’s the same thing with him.” Ronan sits up and stretches his back. “I’m gonna shower. You stayin’?” Ronan asks, turning a curious eye on Adam. 

 

“Nah, there’s more studying to do.” Adam smirks as Ronan rolls his eyes. 

 

“You’ve been studying for two weeks consecutively. I miss your pasty ass,” Ronan says, and maneuvers his way so that his face is on Adam’s stomach. 

 

Adam pulls his head up, mouth hanging open at Ronan’s statement. Huffing in offense, he puts a hand to his chest. “Me with the pasty ass? You’re the Irishman, Lynch. Don’t be a hypocrite.” Ronan snorts and nods in agreement, kicking Adam’s feet as he gets up and goes to his drawers to locate some boxers and sweatpants.

 

“Okay, I gotta go,” Adam says, heaving himself up. “I’m proud of you going to class, by the way.” He goes over to Ronan to place a kiss on his cheek. Ronan hums in response, turning to smile down at Adam. 

 

“Hope your brain doesn’t explode while studying. Say hi to Noah for me.” 

 

Adam nods, slowly walking out of Ronan’s room. “Will do.” 

 

-

 

Noah isn’t in when Adam arrives at his dorm. He checks his phone in case of a text or a missed call from him, but only had two texts from Declan and surprisingly one from Matthew. 

 

Rolling his eyes and completely ignoring the texts from Declan, he pushes the green call button and brings it to his right ear. He begins to unpack his books on his desk as the phone rings. On the third ring, Declan answers, his deep, authoritative voice speaking out. “Parrish, you got my texts?” 

 

“Yes, and I spoke to Ronan,” Adam sighs tiredly.

 

“Ah, I’m sure he wasn’t pleasent,” Declan scoffs. “This is why I can never reach out to him, he just lashes out completely.”

 

Adam settles on his bed, rubbing his temple. “You think Ronan’s the only one to blame, here, Declan?”

 

He could practically see Declan pacing. “Well, he’s not hearing me out!”

 

“You’re not hearing him out either! You never did, Declan, and if you can’t see that then that’s the first problem.” Adam sighs. “He loves the Barns.  _ Loves  _ it. You know that and you keep taking that away from him.”

 

“I’m just doing what’s best for him. You should get it, how education is.” Adam swallows his anger and shakes his head as if Declan's in the room with him.

 

“Sure, Declan. But what you think will help him isn’t. Do you want him to resent you his whole life?

 

Declan clears his throat in surprise. “What?

 

“Do you want him to hate and resent you forever? Because that’ll happen if you keep trying to control him. Ronan isn’t one to be controlled.” 

 

“Yeah, no shit,” Declan mutters. “And no, I don’t want that, Parrish. What do you suggest I do?”

 

Adam opens his mouth and shutting it, surprised. Declan Lynch is asking for  _ his  _ advice? What a day.

 

“Well,” Adam says, clearing his throat. “Once the year is over, Ronan is done, right? That was your shitty deal. Two years and if Ronan still hates school, he could quit. Well he still fucking hates school. Surprised?” He hears Declan murmur a quiet no, so he continues. “Let him go home, Declan. Let him be a farmer and work on the land. Sure, you can have your doubts, but it’s what will make him happy. Did you know he took an agricultural course? It’s the only class he never skips.” Adam huffs a fond laugh. “He fucking lights up when he talks about plant and soil nutrition, the idiot.” 

 

It’s quiet after Adam stops talking, and Adam has to check if Declan is still on. Adam lets Declan mull this over and about half a minute later, Declan clears his throat. “Yeah, I’ll think about it. I’d like to talk to him first. About how his plans and everything.” Adam smiles in disbelief. He’s finally got to Declan! “Great, uh, yeah. Glad you’re rethinking things.” 

 

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later. Thanks, and uh, have a great night,” Declan says awkwardly and hangs up. Adam smiles in victory, hoping everything will work out for Ronan. He looks to his screen to the youngest Lynch brothers text. 

 

**_From Matt 3:44 pm_ **

 

_ hey adam, hows it hangin? Can you pleaaase give me a call asap?! _

 

One Lynch brother to go. He settles on his bed so that he’s leaning his back against the headboard. Matthew answers on the fifth ring. “Adaaam! I miss you so much, how’s college. Midterms are so soon, I’m stressing so bad.”

 

Adam laughs, happy to hear Matthew’s cheerful voice opposed to his brother’s serious one. “Hey, Matt. I’m good, stressed too, a little. It’s good to hear from you. Hows studying going?” 

 

He hears Matthew groan. “Horribly, no one’s as good as tutoring as you. I’ll probably fail my history test. The professor hates me, says I talk too much, but I feel like she needs a vacation or something because she seems too angry and crabby all the time. What a sad way to live, right? All glare-y and mean. You know, I try to spread smiles around school, everyone’s so uptight.” Adam can’t help but chuckle as Matthew keeps rambling on. He knows he has to speed their conversation along if he wants to get some more studying in. 

 

“Matthew, Matthew,” He interrupts. “Matt!” He yells, finally stopping Matthews chatter. “I’d love to catch up, buddy, but I gotta study.” 

 

“Ugh, right!” Matthew snorts a laugh. “Anyways, I have a small favor to ask of you.” 

 

Adam hums, narrowing his eyes, and waits for Matthew to continue. “Wellllll, I was wondering if you had plans for Thanksgiving. You should totally come!” 

 

“Well, I’m grateful for your invitation, but you know I stay at Blue’s.” 

 

Matthew groans again. “I know, but you know how my brothers are when they’re in the same room. I heard them arguing on the phone and I don’t want to be the one stopping their fights again. Please,” Matthew begs. “At least stop by, Ronan’s a lot calmer with you around.” 

Adam feels his face heat up and clears his throat. “I’ll try, but it won’t be until later in the day, okay? Not promising you anything though.” 

 

Matthew knows Adam can’t deny him of anything. “Yes! Thank you, Adam! I’ll call soon, good luck studying!” 

 

Adam breathes out a relieved sigh, happy to get back to his work. About an hour into studying, the door clicks and in walks a tired, but happy Noah. “Hey, how was your day?”

 

“Mm, fine. Gotta shit-load more to study, though.” Adam eyes Noah as he rids himself of his jeans then clomps down on his bed. “Where were you?”

 

Noah smiles softly. “Out with Henry. We studied some then he got me ice cream.” 

 

Adam cooes teasingly and revels in the blush spreading on his pale cheeks. “You’re just jealous  _ I  _ have a boyfriend.” 

 

Adam groans as Noah chuckles menacingly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Noah gives him a serious look. “You know what I mean. Don’t play dumb.”

 

“Why must we always resort back to me and Ronan?” 

 

“Because!” Noah exclaims. “I don’t get it.”

 

Adam rolls his eyes. “You don’t  _ have _ to get it.”

 

Noah waves him off. “Whatever, I just care about you guys.” Noah’s phone dings and Adam’s thanks whoever sent him that text. It’s quiet until Noah sets his phone down and stares back at Adam. “Can you explain  _ why  _ you guys aren’t trying for a real relationship?”

 

Adam shakes his head, getting tired and annoyed quickly by this conversation. Noah just goes on, quietly pleading. “Adam, just tell me. What are you afraid of?” 

 

“Me?” He asks, pointing to his chest, getting defensive. “Why is it my fault?” 

 

“I’m not saying-” Noah starts.

 

“This is what me and Ronan agreed, right from the start. No feelings will get involved. It works out perfectly. I’m not  _ in  _ love with him, and he’s not  _ in  _ love with me, no matter how many times you guys tell me that he is. Why would he agree to this from the start if he felt this way, huh?” Adam takes a moment to breathe and to calm his racing heart. He hates how defensive he is, Noah doesn’t need to be yelled at. 

 

Noah sighs and Adam glares at the sadness in his eyes. “I don’t know, Adam. But you gotta notice the way he looks at you. I’d hope you’re not that stupidly oblivious.” 

 

Adam scoffs and shrugs. “Guess I’m stupidly oblivious.” He ducks his head and picks at his fingernails, not wanting to look at Noah’s frown any more. “How does he look at me?” He asks quietly, terrified of what Noah’s answer will be.

 

“Like you’re everything,” Noah says in a quiet, earnest voice. Adam shakes his head, feeling his heart slow, his breathing becomes labored. Why is he freaking out right now? Why is his heart doing stupid things? 

 

“What are you scared of, Adam?” 

 

Noah’s words repeat in his mind.  _ Yes, what are you scared of?  _ I’m scared of ruining everything between us. I’m scared of breaking Ronan. Ronan, who loves with his whole being while Adam feels that he has no love to give. Ronan doesn’t deserve that. Ronan needs someone who can love endlessly. Adam couldn’t give that to Ronan. 

 

Love is a word he’s never felt growing up. Love is something he’s completely terrified of. His father's form of love was a fist to the side of his head. A burning cigarette being pressed into your stomach. A bunch of drunken slurs of  _ you’re not good enough, you’ll never be good enough, no one’ll ever love you.  _ That’s what is etched into his brain when he thinks of loving someone, that he’ll never be capable of letting anyone in fully, to love with his whole being. 

 

“Adam?” Noah says quietly, breaking his thoughts. Adam shakes his head, feeling his head and heart ache. 

 

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Adam croaks out, throat feeling dry. 

 

“Adam,” Noah pleads.

 

Adam shakes his head and gets up to shut the light off. “Drop it.” 

 

He hears Noah's sigh in the darkness and blinks quickly to stop from any tears. He shuffles to get comfortable and shuts his eyes, but he’s only kidding himself. He’s not getting any sleep tonight. 

 

-

 

Ronan checks his phone for what probably is the thirtieth time today. And it’s only 10:25 am. He’s sitting in the classroom, not listening to his lecture. He hasn’t seen Adam in two weeks. He hasn’t spoken to him for sixteen days.Yes, he counted.

 

He’s a bit worried, the last time he spoke, Adam was acting nervous, not even meeting Ronan’s eye. Gansey doesn’t know what’s up, but he has an inkling that Noah knows why.

 

He’s doesn’t know what happened, if it’s his fault or any way. He can’t find out if Adam keeps on fucking ignoring him

 

Noah just tells him he’s been covering people’s shifts lately, and his class homework is piling up. Which is complete bullshit. Adam Parrish would never let his homework pile up. He knows something’s up. 

 

It’s the last day of classes before they get a week off for Thanksgiving. Gansey, Ronan, and Adam are all driving back to Henrietta together after Gansey’s last class tomorrow. Ronan knows for sure that Adam is working a shift and Ronan plans on ambushing him so Adam could explain what the fuck is up with him.

 

In no time, it’s 10:45 and Ronan bundles in his coat and grabs his book and hustles out of the classroom. It’s getting windier and colder as he walks towards Cabeswater coffee shop, and Ronan curses silently that he hadn’t thought to bring a hat to cover his head and ears.

 

Standing by the glass door that leads into the shop, Ronan can see the bags under Adam’s eyes. He looks like shit. Worse than shit. And Ronan hates it. 

 

He enters through the door, shivering at the change in temperature. Noah sees him first, Adam being too busy helping a customer. He sends a worried glance Adam’s way, and Ronan narrows his eyes. He steps in line and waits impatiently while the customer in front digs into their pockets for loose change. 

 

Finally, he steps up to the counter, Adam finally noticing him. His tired eyes go wide and he looks down quickly. “Your regular?” He asks already fretting with the cash register. 

 

He hands Adam a ten dollar bill. “When does your shift end?” 

 

Adam’s eyes flicker to Ronan and back, collecting Ronan’s change and handing it back to him.

 

“He could leave now. I’ll cover for him,” Noah pipes in. He doesn’t miss the death glare Adam sends his way.

 

“Great,” Ronan says, looking expectantly to Adam while Noah hands him his peppermint macchiato. Adam mutters a curse and tugs of his apron, shoving it in Noah's hands. He walks briskly to the back room to gather his coat and backpack.

 

Ronan steps off and waits outside while Noah is busy with customers. Adam soon steps out to join him, frowning and still not looking at Ronan. “How was class?” 

 

“Fine,” Ronan says shortly, and starts to walk towards Adam’s dorm.

 

Then it’s quiet. It’s never awkward between them, conversation never this short and stilted. Ronan can’t take it. “Did I do anything wrong?”

 

Adam snorts and curls his lip. “No, not you,” He mutters.

 

“Then what the fuck is wrong with you?” Ronan asks, his voice loud and desperate, making Adam flinch. “Tell me what happened.  _ Please. _ I can’t handle you ignoring me like this, Adam.”

 

“I’ve just been thinking about things lately,” Adam starts quietly. Confused, Ronan eyes Adam, seeing him move sluggishly in the snow, his nose red and his eyes sad and glistening. Ronan’s chest constricts, so he looks ahead. “I’m just not sure-”

 

Ronan stops suddenly, making Adam stop as well. “What is it?” Adam sniffles.

 

“Sh, do you hear it?” They both stay quiet for a moment before they hear a quiet, pained sound. “What is that?”

 

They look up towards the trees and struggle to hear the sound again. Ronan walks a few paces forward, hearing it get louder and louder as he approaches a small tree. He notices something black and small laying in the dirty-browned snow. Ronan’s eyes widen in belief as he bends down to see a ball of fluffy feathers shaking. “Adam, here. Look!” He laughs in disbelief as he cups the small thing into his hands. 

 

“It’s a fucking baby raven,” Ronan whispers. It peaks it’s little head out and caws quietly at Ronan. “It must’ve fallen out of its nest,” Adam whispers, looking up to see a mess of twigs and sticks making up a little nest.

 

As carefully as he can, Ronan pets its tiny head with his gloved pinky finger. It’s so small and fragile. “You’re so lucky, little one. You could’ve died in this cold.” Slowly, he cups the baby bird and nuzzles it to his cheek in hope to warm it up. 

 

“I’m gonna call you Chainsaw. Pretty badass, right?” He laughs quietly, grinning at Adam. Adam smiles softly and nods. “Good name.” 

 

Ronan stands back up and to show Adam the adorable little corvid. Adam smiles and gently pets at the shivering ball of feathers. “Congratulations, mama Lynch.”

 

Ronan barks out a laugh. “Come on, we should get her to my room to warm her up.” 

They walk in silence, Ronan quietly cooing Chainsaw and Adam looking fondly back. 

 

They’ve almost reached his apartment when an unknown voice calls out. “Hey, Ronan!” They both stop and see someone running across the street. Ronan narrows his eyes as the guy walks closer, smiling widely. He’s wearing a green beanie, hiding some of his dark brown curls. He looks vaguely familiar but Ronan just can’t place him. 

 

“Hi,” The guy greets happily. “How are you, Ronan? Haven’t seen you in Art History in awhile.”

 

Ah, right.

 

He quickly glances at Adam, who’s frowning at him. “Uh, yeah. Fine, I’m fine. And you?” 

 

The guy laughs, throwing his head back. Ronan raises a brow. Why is he so happy? What’s so goddamn funny? “You don’t recognize me. I’m sorry. Logan. Guess we never really talked, but.” He shrugs and turns to Adam. “Hey, you work at Cabeswater, right. Adam?” Adam nods tersely and Logan turns back to Ronan. “I’ve been meaning to find you. I’ve noticed you not going to class, so I bet you’re way behind, and I could help you if you need help.” 

 

“Uh, right. Thanks, but I’m fine,” Ronan says awkwardly. Chainsaw caws in the awkward pause, causing the three of them to glance down at Ronan’s hands.

 

“Woah,” Logan says quietly. “A raven?”

 

Ronan nods, looking down at his new pet fondly. “Yeah, we found her by a tree. Her name’s Chainsaw.” Logan laughs. “Badass name.” 

 

“Right?” Ronan agrees proudly. This Logan guy isn’t so bad. 

 

“Hey, she looks pretty beat up. My mom is actually a vet. Lives really close by if you want to see if everything's okay,” Logan shrugs. Immediately, Ronan nods. “That’d be awesome. We could go now?”

 

Logan nods and pulls out his phone. “Sure, I’ll just call my mom to let her know.” 

 

Logan steps away to make his call and Ronan turns to Adam who is completely silent. “You wanna come, daddy Adam?” Ronan teases. 

 

Adam’s mouth quirks up slightly but then fall back to a frown. “No, I should finish packing. Text me what happens.” Adam turns away and starts walking. 

 

“We’ll talk later,” Ronan calls out, not forgetting their conversation before everything got sidetracked. Adam stops to nod before continuing down the sidewalk.

 

Logan was a pretty cool guy. As they walked down the few blocks towards the animal hospital, Logan told him about his pet owl, Mercury. “Named after the great Freddie Mercury, of course!” Then they talked about their favorite music and shared different bands to listen to later. 

 

Once they got there, it didn’t take long for a tall women to walk through in white smocks. Logan stands up, smiling big. “Mom, this is Ronan and Chainsaw.”

 

The woman smiles kindly and shakes Ronan’s hand. She leans her head down to look at the small ball of feathers still cupped safely in Ronan’s hands. “Let me get a good look her. Follow me.” They follow her into an exam room, and has Ronan put her on the metal table. 

 

She checks for any signs of a broken leg or wing, and miraculously nothing is wrong. “Just dehydration and who knows how long she’s been laying out in the snow. Keep her warm, go out and get her a cage and food. She should be fine in no time.” Before they leave, Chainsaw is given some water and some food. 

They thank her and they’re out in the cold again, Ronan feeling relieved and happy that Chainsaw is alright. He can’t wait for Matthew to see her. “Thanks again,” Ronan says to Logan,  who crinkles his green his, smiling wide. 

 

“No problem. Lucky I was here, huh?” Logan laughs and bumps Ronan’s shoulder lightly.

 

“Right,” Ronan says, side eyeing Logan. He’s not really sure why he’s still hanging around, they’ve never talked once until now. “So, uh. I’m gonna go home and get her warmed up. Have a good break.” 

 

“Hey, Ronan,” Logan asks as Ronan steps off towards the direction of his apartment. “Wanna hang out after break?”

 

“Why?” Ronan asks. Logan cringes and rubs his neck awkwardly. “You seem like a pretty nice guy,” He says weakly. “Sorry, I’m coming off weird. I’m no creep or anything. I understand if you don’t want to, I just want to get to know you.” 

 

Ronan narrows his eyes. “You like me, or something?

 

Logans eyes widen comically and Ronan has to bite his lip from smirking. “What, the hell? No” Logan exclaims, voice cracking. Still skeptical, Ronan shrugs, deciding to take pity. “Kidding. Sure, I guess. I’ll see you after break.” 

 

-

 

“Ronan! Why in the hell did you ask me to buy you a birdcage?” Gansey’s voice rings out and Ronan smiles down at Chainsaw, who is fast asleep, her head tucked into her wing. 

 

He quickly gets up to tell Gansey to shut the fuck up so Chainsaw won’t wake up. He shushes when Gansey opens his mouth again. He grabs the silver metal cage and gestures for Gansey to follow him into the room. 

 

He knew Gansey wouldn’t be too happy, but the shocked face Ronan sees is priceless. Too bad he doesn’t know where his phone is, Blue would love to see Gansey’s eyeballs practically popping out. “Lynch!” Gansey whisper-yells. “What is this?”

 

“This is your new niece, Chainsaw,” Ronan says proudly. 

 

“Well, Chainsaw isn’t  _ allowed _ in these apartments!” Gansey rubs his temple. 

 

“You’re gonna get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that all of the time, Dick,” Ronan says, pushing his lips out in a pout. “Are you saying you’re kicking us out?”

 

“No,” Gansey huffs. “Just what happens when someone finds out?”

 

“No one’s gonna find out. Plus, I’m quitting after the year ends, then you won’t have to worry about it. She’ll keep quiet, I promise.” Ronan crosses an ‘x’ on his chest. 

 

Gansey shrugs, still disbelieving, but Ronan grins. “She’s cute, ain’t she?” Gansey rolls his eyes, but a small smile forms as he looks at the sleeping ball on Ronan’s bed. Reluctantly, he shrugs in defeat. “I guess.”

 

“You ready for tomorrow? Do you think she’ll be okay in the car?” Gansey asks. “Declan isn’t going to approve, I’m sure he’ll give you trouble.”

 

Ronan laughs. “Like I give a fuck. I’ll train her to attack him.”

 

“That’s worrisome,” Gansey comments. 

 

Ronan shrugs. “Whatever. Get out so I can finish packing.”

 

-

 

By 11 am, Ronan, Adam, and Gansey are piled in the BMW on their way back to Henrietta. Ronan looks at his mirror to see Adam sleeping in the back. His arms are crossed around himself protectively and his brows are furrowed. They still haven’t talked about whatever is bothering Adam and it’s worrying Ronan. He promises himself to make Adam talk so that thing’s will be okay again. 

 

Soft, melodic music is playing, Gansey having a hard time not dozing off as the BMW races along the icy highways. Ronan makes sure to drive extra carefully for Chainsaws sake. She’s been squawking nervously for a while now. 

 

Throughout the drive, Gansey switched Ronan’s phone for his, and the droning words of an old Englishmen read a horribly boring memoir. Ronan threatened Gansey that he’d fall asleep behind the wheel. When there was only a half hour to go, Adam woke up and Ronan switched back to his phone to play songs he knew Adam liked. 

 

They stopped at the Witches residence first, Blue and her mother and aunts (or whatever they were in relation to Blue) were waiting outside on the porch, waiting for them all to arrive. Gansey nearly sobbed when he saw Blue, stepping out of the car before Ronan even parked. 

 

Ronan turns in his seat, watching Adam, smiling at the tired, happy expression on his face. It was like he was relieved to be back, to the people who took him in when he needed it most, his family. He sat up straight, his eyes twinkling despite his exhaustion. “You gonna just stare all night, or are you gonna get out of the fucking car?” Ronan asked. 

 

Adam rolled his eyes exasperatedly but smiled anyways. “Yeah, yeah.” 

 

Ronan follows Adam up onto the porch and watches as Adam embraces Persephone. Ronan always thought her odd, he muses as he watches her puffy-cloud like hair blow in the cold wind. Her expression is always “out there”, her tone of voice always quiet and wispy, her expression always glassy, like she’s not fully there. Despite her weirdness, Adam has come to respect and looked up to her, and Ronan is silently grateful that she took Adam in.

 

“Snake!” Ronan startles and winces when he feels a sharp pain on his forearm. He scowls when he sees Calla. She matches with a glare of her own and hands him a concoction of some sort in a tall glass. “Here, drink it. I made it myself.”

 

Ronan eyes the drink and scoffs. “Yeah, right. I bet you’re trying to poison me, you witch.” 

 

Calla pays him no mind and sips it herself. “No poison this time, snake. Drink it, or I’ll be offended.” 

 

“Like I give a fuck. Besides, I can’t stay,” Ronan sneers and goes over to where Blue and Gansey are still hugging. Maura says a quick hello and Ronan nods back in greeting. 

 

“Hello, Bald One,” Persephone says and Ronan shivers. Her tone of voice is seriously eerie. He hears Adam snort as he walks beside him as he looks to where Gansey and Blue are bundled up together. He sends a quick glare to Adam before looking to Persephone. “I like Snake better.” Persephone shrugs and continues to just stare. Ronan struggles to keep his glare as Persephone studies Ronan. He’s never really trusted psychics, he hates when people try to read him.

 

“Adam!” He hears Blue call, as if she only realized that they were all there, not just Gansey. Ronan watches them envelope each other and laughing, mumbling things into each others ear. When she’s done hugging Adam, Blue shuffles over to wrap her tiny-maggot arms around Ronan. Ronan smirks and pats her head lightly. “Still got those stupid-ass clips in your hair, Maggot.” Blue hits him fondly and goes back into Gansey arms, starting to talk about how school was and what they’re planning for Thanksgiving. 

 

Ronan knows he has to go soon, Chainsaw is in the car, and although Ronan’s is sure she’s fine with the heat on blast, he still is worried about his baby. Looking to Adam, who is gesticulating about something or other, Ronan smiles at his illuminated face. 

 

Ronan steps towards Adam slightly, and wraps an arm around him. Adam pays him no mind, automatically tilting his head to rest against his shoulder, just listening adamantly to Blue as she talks.   

 

A few minutes later, with everyone shivering, Maura suggests they bring their conversation inside. Immediately, he feels Adam tense in his arm. Frowning and looking down to see what was wrong, Adam pushes himself away, facing away from Ronan. “Adam?” He asks quietly. Adam turns his head to look at Ronan, his form slouching again and his eyes blank. “I’ll see you soon. Goodnight.” And walks inside. 

 

Ronan looks to where Adam is disappearing inside the house, feeling his chest constrict in pain and worry. He’s still acting distant and cold, why? He just doesn’t fucking understand anything, and Adam’s not talking to him. 

 

Everyone quickly hugs him goodbye and retreats back in the house. He’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t realize that there’s a figure still lingering in the doorway. Persephone. He’s about to snap when she walks to Ronan and lays her small hand on Ronan’s arm. “He’ll realize soon enough. Just wait,” she said, expression sullen and sad. 

 

“What the hell are you talking about,” Ronan says, baffled. These psychics never make any fucking sense. With a final squeeze, she spins around, her hair following her gracefully as she makes her way inside, closing the door. 

Ronan couldn’t stop worrying. Even when Matthew nearly squeezed the life out of him when he hugged him for so long, not when Matthew utterly beamed when he was Chainsaw, not now, when Matthew is getting the pie crust ready to make pecan pie, talking animatedly about everything from his school life to his friends. 

 

Adam’s blank expression was stuck in his head. 

 

He rubbed his eyes with his palms and tried to get it together for Matthew. He hasn’t seen him in awhile and he missed his goofy baby brother. So he sucked it up, promising to talk to him later, and helped him make the damn pie. 

 

Declan was sipping wine while reading out the directions to Matthew as he got the ingredients he needed together. Surprisingly, Declan has been quiet, not yelling, not saying asshole-y things to him. Yet. Break isn’t over yet. 

 

“So I figured we should start on the turkey around 11 so that it’s ready on time. You’ll make the cornbread, Matthew’ll do mashed potatoes, and I’ll cook green bean casserole. Plus I’ve already bought pumpkin pie, it’s in the fridge. And it’s off limits until Thanksgiving, Mattie,” he says with a pointed look which Matthew ignores.

“Measure the sugar and brown sugar, Ronan. Put it in the bigger mixing bowl,” Matthew instructs. Ronan salutes and does what he’s told. About twenty minutes later, Ronan is carefully putting the pie into the oven. Matthew sets the oven timer and announces, “Movie time!” 

 

They, of course, let Matthew decide. He chooses  _ Elf _ despite it being a little bit too early but it’s a classic, so Ronan and Declan don’t complain. 

 

Matthew and Ronan sit on opposite ends of the couch so that their feet can meet in the middle. Declan approaches them and gestures to their feet. “Move.”

 

Ronan scowls and crosses his arms like a child. “Why?”

 

Declan huffs as if Ronan is the dumbest person on earth. “Because, I want to sit here.” Matthew laughs nervously at his two older brothers glaring, scared that they’ll start a fight. 

 

“Well, maybe I don’t want your smelly ass sitting by me.” Ronan smirks at Declan's offended face, feeling victorious after pushing Declan's buttons.  

 

Declan retaliates by going for Ronan’s foot, tickling his toes. Ronan gasps and whips his feet off. “Fuck off,” he snaps, sitting up right on the couch and scowling at the bright tv screen. Declan chuckles lowly and winks at Matthew, who is grinning fondly.

 

“Hurry up and start the damn movie.”

-

 

Thanksgiving at the Sargent house is the same as Adam remembers. Little cousins nearly bumping into him on the stairs. Cats trying to attack his legs when he least expects them too. Persephone’s blueberry pie smelling up the whole house. 

 

Adam feels well rested and happy, content, and safe. He walked downstairs from Blue’s room to find her. He looks in Orla’s room, the laundry room, the two bathrooms, and finally locates her in the basement, where one of her small cousin’s is painting her nails. Blue smiles warmly at him as he sits down next to her on the loveseat and sighs. “Dinner should be ready in about an hour.” 

 

Blue nods. “Good, I haven’t eaten all day in preparation of stuffing myself.”

 

Adam laughs, nodding in agreement. “Can I do yours next?” A small voice rings out.

 

Adam looks down at Blue’s small cousin. She has so many that Adam could never keep track of each of their names. The little girl looks at Adam’s feet and Blue laughs. “Maybe after dinner, Lila. It’s almost ready.” Lila nods and gets back to concentrating on painting. 

 

“I’m going to the Lynch’s later today,” Adam tells Blue.

 

Blue just hums as she studies Lila’s work. “I figured.”

 

“Yeah, Matthew invited me.”

 

“Matthew’s not the  _ only  _ reason you’re going, of course.” Blue eyes Adam suggestively, smirking.

 

Adam frowns shaking his head and feeling panicked just thinking about Ronan. He feels sick just thinking of breaking things off with Ronan, knowing that he’ll hate Adam. He just can’t let Ronan think that Adam is worth it when he’s not. 

 

“I’m breaking things off,” Adam says quietly, not ready to admit it. 

 

“What?” Blue asks, shock written all over her face.

 

“Ronan has feelings for me,” Adam says in explanation. 

 

“Yeah, no shit, Adam. You  _ just _ realized.” 

 

Adam shrugs helplessly. “I don’t  _ know _ . I don’t know anything. I just know that Ronan needs to move on and find someone who is worth his love.” 

 

Adam looks at his hands that sit on his lap, refusing to look at Blue, who has gone silent. He couldn’t take the silence, and is contemplating on running upstairs and hiding until break is over. 

 

He flinches when he feels Blue’s cold hand on his balled up fists. He wants to cry when he hears Blue quiet voice. “Adam. Look at me.” 

 

Adam bits his wobbling lip and looks up to see Blue’s face that makes Adam’s heart ache. “Listen closely, okay? Don’t talk, just listen to me.” Adam nods and waits for Blue to speak.

 

Breathing in deeply, she starts in a quiet voice meant for just him. “I know how insecure about feeling love, and giving love back to others. I know you got fucked over with your shitty parents that didn’t love you. And it fucked you up, I get how you’re scared. You can be terrified, even, that’s fine. But  bet your ass that you’re loved. This whole house of people love you.  _ I  _ love you. My stupid, overthinking, best friend. Maura, Calla, Orla, all the little cousins. Persephone loves you so much, you’re like her son,” Blue smiles softly, putting her arm around Adam and guiding him to lay on her shoulder. Adam chokes back a sob. “Gansey loves you, Noah loves you, Matthew loves you.  _ Adores  _ you.” Blue let’s out a big sigh. “And Ronan. To keep it short and simple, Ronan is over the moon about you. So fucking  _ in _ love with you it’s disgusting. You’re allowed to be scared, Adam, but don’t ruin it because you think Ronan will regret his love for you, because it isn’t fair to him. His love is so real and you’ll be so happy if you try to make things work.” 

 

It’s goes quiet after that so Adam assumes she’s done. Adam bites his lip to hide any noises that come out, happy to cry in silence as Blue rubs his arm slowly. “I’m just so scared,” Adam chokes. “I’m not sure what to do.” 

 

“That’s okay. Just listen to your heart. Not that overthinking brain of yours,” Blue sighs, and pushes Adam slightly so that he sits up, then leans forward to grab a tissue and hands it to Adam. “You don’t have to rush things. Ronan will understand.” 

 

-

 

Dinner was nice and Adam was extremely grateful that no one commented on his red, puffy eyes and his snotty nose. Only that Persephone stared at him throughout, a sympathizing expression on her pale face. Adam hated that she could read him so easily. 

 

By 6:45 pm, Adam sent Matthew a quick text that he was on his way, and took Blue’s station wagon to the Barns. He was extremely nervous, and ready to break down yet again at the thought of seeing Ronan. But he promised Matthew, and he could never lie to him.

 

He rang the doorbell, and Matthew opened it, smiling hugely and pulled Adam into a warm hug. “Hey, Happy Thanksgiving,” he murmurs warmly, ruffling Matthew hair when they step out of the embrace.

 

“Adam, what the hell are you doing here?” Ronan’s voice came, smiling just as wide as Matthew. 

 

Stop smiling at me. Stop loving me. It’s killing me. I don’t know what to do.

 

He tries not to tense up when Ronan’s familiar arms wrap around him.  _ I’m just going to hurt you. Then you’ll hate me. Then you’ll realize how I don’t deserve you.  _ “Happy Thanksgiving,” he chokes out, smiling hesitantly, and silently curses himself because he  _ knows _ it looks so fake. Adam knows he notices but Ronan doesn’t comment. 

 

“Yep, I invited him!” Matthew chirps, grabbing Adam’s arm and ushering him into the living room. “We were just about to play scrabble. You’re kinda game, am I right, Adam?” 

 

Declan wasn’t very surprised to see Adam, just nodded and everyone sat down to start the game. Adam was quiet, and he could feel Ronan’s eyes gazing a hole in his forehead, but he just concentrated on the game, laughing at Matthews silly jokes, and trying to calm his heart. 

 

In the middle of the game, Declan put his word down and totaled his scores, then cleared his throat. “So, Ronan, I wanted to talk about your future.” 

 

Adam stared disbelievingly at Declan, glaring daggers at him. “Gee, not during the game,  _ dad, _ ” he spits out.

 

“Hear me out, please,” Declan says in his most authoritative voice. “I’ve been thinking about things.” He glances briefly at Adam before looking back to Ronan. “And I think it’s time for me to let you come back. And start what you wanna do. Farm, take care of the land.”

 

Adam is speechless. So is Ronan, eyes wide and jaw clenched, like at any moment Declan is just going to jump up and say he was joking. “You’re shitting me,” Ronan says.

 

“No, I’m not. Adam gave me advice and basically told me to get my head out of my ass. I’ve decided to stop babying you. The Barns is yours.” Declan pauses. “After you finish out the year, of course.” 

 

For the first time that evening, Adam laughed. He smacked Declan on the shoulder and smiled briefly at Ronan before he was tackled by Matthew. Declan nodded his thanks and clapped his hands together. “Let’s talk more tomorrow. I end this game, I’ve decided that  _ I  _ am the winner. Bed time.” 

 

Declan gets up and heads upstairs, Ronan silently following after him. Matthew’s eyes are still widen in surprise. “ _ You _ did this?”

 

Adam shrugged. “I helped Declan realize that Ronan is his own person.” 

 

“You’re really amazing, Adam. Ronan’s gonna be so happy.” Matthew begins cleaning up the scrabble tiles while Adam stares off. “I’m gonna go outside. Too warm in here,” Adam murmurs, getting up and tiredly walking out onto the porch. He’s exhausted, this day was entirely draining. He just needed an entire year to sleep, to think things over. 

 

He holds onto the wooden pole and looks up at the sky, seeing all the twinkling stars. He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing out there, but he suddenly realizes his lips are chattering. He hears the wooden screen open and close shut and pads of feet.

 

He feels strong arms wrap around him and pull him into a warm chest. He startles when Ronan spins them around, laughing maniacally. “Adam Parrish, you amazing asshole. I fucking love you so much.” 

 

Adam freezes and feels his chest break.  _ Adam Parrish, I love you so fucking much. Adam Parrish, I love you. _

 

Ronan turns Adam around when he realizes something wrong. “Shit, Adam, I didn’t mean- I mean. Shit, don’t hate me,” Ronan pleads. Adam opens his mouth to laugh but closes his mouth shut when it comes out as a loud sob. “Adam, please, tell me what you’re thinking.” Ronan grabs Adam shoulders and shakes him slightly. 

 

“I know you love me,” Adam whispers. “And I don’t know what to do.”

 

“What do you mean?” He asks, Adam hearing how worried he is. Adam looks at Ronan through teary eyes and he knows that Ronan knows. 

 

Adam shrugs, hanging his head. “I need to,” Adam pauses to catch his breathe. “I need us to stop.”

 

“You don’t love me,” Ronan says quietly and so heartbrokenly sad. “I knew it, I stilled hoped. I thought it wouldn't hurt this much,” Ronan says wondrously as blinks quickly as tears flow down his face.

 

Adam shakes his head, needing to stop Ronan. “I don’t know what I feel Ronan. I need space to  _ think _ , to actually think how this would work. What if we don’t work out. What if I’m not good enough for you.” 

 

“That’s bullshit,” Ronan snaps, grabbing Adam’s face. “We’d be great together.”

 

Adam shrugs helplessly. “I don’t  _ know _ , Ronan. I just need space. Please, please. Just give me space to figure my shit out,” Adam pleads, pulling away from Ronan’s hands. 

Ronan opens his mouth to breathe, rubbing his hands over his face. “I’ll wait. Hurry the fuck up and figure it out,” he says, throat croaking and dry. He wipes the snot away from his nose and stalks into the house. 

 

Adam clenches his teeth as more tears flow out, feeling broken and unwhole as he begins to walk to the station wagon. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's eleven thousand words for you. Holy shit.
> 
> I'm so sorry it took me so long, I feel like a huge jerk. But I wrote a shit-ton, so I hope you're okay with the delay. As for my other fic, is should be posted Friday hopefully, Saturday at the latest.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this long ass chapter if you're still interested in this fic. Next chapter is the last one, and our babies will have a happy ending, of course. 
> 
> Just FYI, I did not go over to check over grammar mistakes and such, so sorry for any mistakes I made. Thanks for reading, comments make me happy, let me know what you think. :D

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Yes, I'm starting another Pynch fic. Oooh boy. I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. :)
> 
> This fanfic was inspired by auther smokeshop who is writing an Evak Friends with Benefits AU. If you're a fan of the Norwegian show SKAM, I'd highly recommend you check it out. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts!


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